TVC085 Mindset With Michelle Chalfant
Talking Mindset Mojo with therapist Michelle Chalfant from The Adult Chair. Why it’s crucial to re-set your intentions, get out of your own way and find the space to live BELOW THE CHIN instead of the stories in our head. We touch on the top tips to get back in the drivers seat, avoid the old nostalgic stories and shift from ego to heart driven decisions.
Michelle and I connected via social media and immediately knew we shared the same focus for clarity and levelling up in life. Her in Tennesse and little old me in Noosa at the time.
We had a great video chat but technology didn’t allow that to shine the other week so I’ve opted for audio.
I’m sure you’ll enjoy this open and refreshing conversation we had about leaning in, asking for help, knowing it’s OK to hear voices and how to tell them to be quiet.
Here’s 7 steps for regaining your mindset mojo.
Mindset Mojo 1: The first relationship starts with yourself.
It’s important that you figure out what your ingredients are for your own personal, emotional, mental, and spiritual well being. Then you can start attracting and developing the right relationships, whether it’s work or whether it’s personal. The first thing it starts with yourself.
- What are the biggest challenges you face at the moment? Are you overwhelmed – feeling like wading through mud. Have you come unstuck from their mojo?
- What do you think the three top challenges other people are facing at the moment with everything going on?
No matter what we are doing. When we get overwhelmed, we typically go outside of ourselves to look to find help with stopping that overwhelmed. We might go then for a glass of wine or we go out and do something, eat, watch t.v. We do something to numb our pain instead of looking directly at our pain or our overwhelmed.
The first step is to pause and start a personal chemistry check.
Start looking inside of ourselves and turning toward ourselves when we feel overwhelmed or afraid or stressed or stuck or whatever it is. Stop going outside for the answers. As you know, if you ask ten people a question about how to guide you in your life, you’ll get ten different responses. We know that when we turn inside of ourselves, that’s where all of our truth is.
Mindset Mojo 2: Slow Down Reflect Regularly on Facts and Stats. (Think Like A CEO)
Learn how to slow down, go inside, meditation, journaling, all of these things take us inside. Spending some time in quiet and getting present. Set up daily habits where we are doing that every single day. If we don’t do this Or else we are looking outside of ourselves, which creates more overwhelmed and more stress.
It’s just pressing pause and thinking,
“You know what? What’s important to me now?
You have to have a strong enough why.
What are you trying to accomplish?
- Are you trying to accomplish living with less stress?
- Are you trying to accomplish living with less overwhelmed?
- Losing weight, getting in better shape.
We are so wise, but if we go outside of ourselves we can’t feel the true intuition. We are not going to find the answers. We’ve got to connect inside and find out what our why is.
Mindset Mojo 3: Where’s your attention pointed?
When we know what we are pointing toward, then we can line up our day toward that goal. So many of us don’t even take a pause to find out what we want to do.
When we can pause, then we can tune into our internal guidance system. When we can go there, we find out, what is my next step?
What is the thing that I am going to point toward. Then nothing gets in our way.
We don’t take those moments anymore because it is daunting:
- We’ve got text messages.
- We’ve got e-mails.
- We’ve got Instagram.
- We’ve got Facebook.
- We’ve got all of these things that really take really take our attention away from ourselves.
Go device free for a while. Disconnect to reconnect.
Be the CEO of your business as well as your life. Just like you’d make a business plan, you need to make a life plan.
Mindset Mojo 4: Stop Autopilot
The first thing is to give yourself permission to get off the ferris wheel and get off autopilot. Every 90 days. Where do you want your life to be? What is your intent?
You absolutely have a choice. You have a choice to slowly shift your coordinates. You’ve just got to put time into figuring out what that is.
Then once you do it, I like that idea of finding one thing and write it down. When we write it down and we can see it and we look at it every day, that’s starting to manifest it. It’s driving to the subconscious mind.
Mindset Mojo 5: Write down and acknowledge the ego roadblocks
Every time you write a goal, you have to put an A and B column. As you list your goal on one side – put the mental roadblocks on the other. Your ego is not your amigo – so it’s crucial to recognise the stories in your head and seperate those from the reality of creating a life you love.
Michael Singer wrote Untethered Soul. Michael Duff wrote The Power Within. All these amazing athletes and leaders and things, we have to divorce the story of all the generations of being told what we should and could and can’t do and just step into the truth, which is just so effortless and simple. It’s a daily practise. It’s a minute by minute practise,
Be a story buster.
We have to be story busters. Start working from the wise place.
I’ve never met anyone that didn’t in all these years of doing my work. It’s just part of being human. We can look in the past and we can focus on the past and blame and be upset about it and live with all that or we point and say, “Regardless of that, where am I going now? Where am I pointing now? What can I learn from the past, but I’m moving forward. I don’t want to look behind me anymore.”
Mindset Mojo 6: Do things With Life
Your either a person that life does stuff to, or you are a person that do things with life. You are not determined by what everyone else is doing.
- Walk your own line.
- Have the courage to realise that every single day you get a gift. Just ever so slightly shift the coordinates where you want to go in three goal setting ways.
One, it has to be relevant to you. Whatever you see on Facebook, on social media, your colleagues doing, your friends doing, what’s relevant to you?
The second thing is does it resonate? Would you fight Michelle and I for this goal? Would you be, “No, this really means something to me.” If it doesn’t, it’s not worth fighting for, get it off your list.
Is it real time? Bring yourself back and think, “Where do I want to be in the next 90 days?” If this whole language is new to you, then start small and keep it super simple and just work on those tracks. There is no fear of failure when you have a goal in 90 days. You can always reinvent and refine.
Mindset Mojo 7: Stop comparing yourself to other people.
Facebook is like a mirage. It’s not real. Everyone thinks that everyone else’s life is so perfect because of social media. Remember that it’s not total life – it’s just what people want you to see.
Be your best cheerleader.
We are so great at beating up on ourselves. How often though do we sit and give ourselves a little pat on the back and say, “I did a great job. I was amazing.” Practice the art of self worth and celebrating milestones each day. You’ve got to be the best cheerleader for you so when you do accomplish one of those goals, get excited. Get excited for you.
Take baby steps – feel connected to your why and just make steps day by day. Side step the overwhelm by practicing positive habits and a healthy mindset around what success looks like for you. Everyone suffers from self doubt – however it is what we do with those thoughts that truly determines the outcome.
Get rid of these massive goals and dreams and things that are just not reality. Just start with:
- What would make me feel fantastic?
- What would I be most proud of?
- What have I always wanted to do?”
Just chip away with that.
Even if it’s being the referee in your kids football game after seven years of running your own business and not being available and the biggest thing is having that pride to spend time with your family. Slowly add those things into that.
The Art Of Being Present.
Be the best you. Nobody is 100% like us. That’s why when we compare ourselves and say, “Oh, but I might get judged by so and so.” Who the hell cares? Just do it. If it resonates with you, do it. Move on.
Michelle and I also want to encourage you to think about what reflection and the art of mediation and focus can mean for you. Maybe just think of it as being present. Don’t use that language that you have to suddenly sit cross legged somewhere or loosen your tie.
We want to encourage you, as leaders in life just to think about what your ingredients for meditation will be.
We get in our own way. By mistake. We don’t intentionally do it, but yeah. We really do have all the answers within.
Living with more presence and taking a breath, just like you were saying. It doesn’t take a ten minute meditation even.
Take a breath. Refocus yourself. Tune inward. Give myself permission to shine.
Success shouldn’t be about struggle. It should be about thriving. Every single day is now.
Thank you for tuning into the Vitality Coach podcast. All about how you can be the CEO of your business and your life. Healthy, wealthy, and wise. . It’s a pleasure to connect internationally with people that are truly living their purpose and want to help you do the same thing as well.
For more on my guest, Michelle Chalfant head over to The Adult Chair.
Wishing you a healthy, wealthy and wise week ahead
Yours in Vitality