Monday Mojo© – Emotional Integrity
Welcome back to this week’s Mojo. I want to talk to you about a very special source to amplify the true meaning of leadership. Emotional Integrity. Congruence, Courage and Conviction.
Before you start thinking about how that’s all about helping others, this is actually the most challenging area of all – as it calls on you to be in total acceptance and harmony with who you are first – then take that out to the world.
That is: Total alignment and being in your truth as a leader – no matter what the external influence. Know thy self.
Whatever type of leader you are, whether it’s a parent or a great friend, or you’re a CEO or an entrepreneur, whatever, it doesn’t matter – we all have the ability to lead by example and be the change we want to see.
Whether you’re looking at your financial integrity, whether you’re looking at your communication integrity or your work/home life – your emotional integrity is where you come from as a leader personally and commercially.
- It’s how you show up.
As a leader, we do not have to know everything.
We actually just have to be prepared and courageous to be honest and to be curious enough to let go of EGO and be in your highest self. It is the most empowering place you can come from that curiosity replaces fear of judgment, blame, guilt, shame, and everything else.
Doing, saying and being in total alignment with exactly what you’re thinking and feeling. Without fear of judgement, without the need to “promote”, sell or convince.
It’s not saying something for the sake of it to please someone else. It’s actually following through on what you believe, how you’re going to act consistently, so you never have to look over your shoulder.
Operating OUT of Emotional Integrity
When we operate out of emotional integrity we experience the following
- Overthinking/Anxiety about past or present
- Exhaustion from having to pre-empt, prepare and over analyse an outcome, response or reaction
- Create decisions and take actions based on requiring others to behave in a certain way
- Feel uncertain, judged and perhaps afraid of “being found out”
- Can come across overly confident ” fake it till you make it”
- Over communicate
- Stressed, anxious
- Restless, a sense of looking over your shoulder
- A sense of highs and lows but nothing lasting – the roller coaster effect.
Operating IN Emotional Integrity
When we operate in emotional integrity we experience the following
- A sense of calm and clarity
- Unwavering connection to our truth and peace that it may not be accepted by others, but that’s OK
- Create decisions and take actions based on understand how people react or respond is their own responsibility and out of our control
- Feeling certain, judgement free and optimist – replacing fear of not knowing with curiosity
- Ability to listen well and be open minded.
- Clarity in communication
- Centred and energised
- Honesty, transparent and guilt free
- Consistent, supported, respected, others know what is important to you and where they stand/how they can help/connect and support.
- When we are in our truth that creates the best outcome for all parties involved.
Here’s How To Amplify Leadership Mojo© with The 3 Pillars Of Emotional Integrity
Emotional Integrity is activated when we are congruent, courageous (to not be influenced by ego or others) and have conviction in a calm and secure way about where we stand at any given moment. It’s the ability to be “Self Centred” – to back yourself and be the calm in any storm.
In my EI model for Leadership Mojo© – coaching the next dimension of leadership – I refer the following three key areas.
Pillar 1: Congruence – EI is consistently being yourself.
If you’ve noticed lately that you’re feeling that there’s a lack of trust, that things are a little bit dodgy, that probably not getting straight answers or that you know people around you aren’t coming to you straight forward. Perhaps look in the mirror and think;
What am I not doing that as NOT displaying the behaviour I want to see? How can I lead by example or manifest the positive instead of focusing on what will go wrong?
It means not saying one thing to one person and another to someone else. Because you want to control a desired outcome.
Chances are if you’re looking around, you’ve got great friends around you and people that are honest and open, showing integrity, accountability and show up in life for you. There’s probably because you’re doing the same thing as well.
- What happens when you actually start doing that in alignment?
A whole bunch of energy comes back to you because you are not trying to balance what you’ve said to one person or you’ve pitched to another.
You’re actually just in your truth.
When you’re in your truth, you get rewarded with a sense of flow, clarity, and calm. That enables you to have an unbelievable abundant amount of creativity, vision, purpose, and passion.
It makes you a stronger communicator.
It makes you engage and connect with people that you’re talking to a lot easier because you coming from a place of truth.
Personally and Commercially Congruent
It’s very, very important in our personal relationships to have this congruence. Significance, connection, and transparency are so crucial today. We have to build a safe place for trust. So the first step is to trust self, create a consistent and congruent place for others to trust you and foster that with confidence and calm.
If you want to be accepted – make sure the people that you love and care for, including your colleagues are safe to be themselves.
The first place that starts is with you.
So if you feel safe to be yourself, if you feel safe to be in your truth, and if you start practicing that with your circle of trust, the ripple effect of your emotional integrity will blow you away.
What you say, do see, act and reverberate actually creates a clarity, calm and confidence for everybody around you because there is no greater asset than understanding what’s truly important to you.
Pillar 2 : Courage – EI is letting go of controlling the outcome and fear of failure or judgement
When we try to control an outcome or assume others needs, desires, roadmaps or require a certain reaction – we are working outside of integrity and limiting our true access to unlimited potential.
- If you can replace your fear of judgement and failure with curiosity, you will elevate yourself to own your side of the street.
- When you do that, you’ll become an inspiration for others to actually be in their authentic, true selves as well.
The greatest gift any leader can have is the art of asking questions, being completely present and being trusting their inner voice.
It means having the courage to really, really own your heart, your mind, your body, and your soul around a decision and put your hands up and understand that you’re not there to control everything.
Pillar 3: Conviction – EI is daring to be you, consistently and stand by what you believe. To honour yourself.
The challenge is as we grow up in this world we are often taught to meet the needs and expectations of others and use these guidelines as the gauge for our own success and worthiness – usually these “need to meet” “tick of acceptance” parameters are set by:
Trusting in your own decisions, ideas, vision, heart and what lights you up – often takes a reboot to step outside of the boxes and frameworks passed down to us to fit into. Practice being you wholeheartedly.
Avoid buying, binging and accumulating things as a way to show status or hide away from not being in true alignment at work or at home. If you need a quick “hit” as a purchase or a person, place or thing – then you’re probably out of balance and avoiding what really matters.
Instead look at emotional enrichment, play, vision, creativity, connection, fun and drive to be your absolute full self and maximise your time on this earth by spending time with people you love, love to work with and so forth.
Sharing passion, energy and conviction with others – them doing the same in return is magic and creates incredible energy. You may be different and an individual but that doesn’t mean you need to go it alone.
If you’re not sure – press pause.
The best thing you can do is make informed, honest, intuitive based decision that comes from a place of peace, calm and clarity rather than fear, blame, shame, and guilt. That means shutting your mind down for a moment and going within.
Conviction is leading from within.
Our greatest ripple effect comes from the actions that we have not just the words we use. Our vibe attracts our tribe.
Your staff, family, friends that look up to you will naturally imitate your behaviour. Notice how people get a little bit iffy when you’re trying to sell them or communication breakdowns happen when people aren’t direct.
Let go of “selling” or controlling – even if it’s to yourself about an idea or an outcome. Just be genuine. We can’t control other people. It takes so much LESS effort just to be honest.
Have faith in your truth. Simplify. Don’t over explain. Ask questions and don’t assume.
- It’s not wrong if it’s your truth.
- Have to have the courage to say what our hearts truly desire, whether it’s business personally, whether it’s commercially, whatever our goals are.
My EI Challenge To You – What to do from here?
My challenge to you this week is to understand that what you see, say or do should be in total alignment.
It should be honest and clear and calm and you should have no fear in saying what you really feel, what you really mean and putting forward who you really are.
- Practice this daily. Be your own honesty barometer and practice your total truth with your inner circle.
I hope to inspire you to think a little bit differently, to have the courage to be honest, and to be caring and kind most importantly to yourself first. You absolutely deserve happiness and success. It’s abundant. It won’t run out.
It’s out there for all of us, and you will be rewarded for that when you have the courage to shine and be in your truth in all areas of your life.
Anyone can have skills, but it’s your personality is your individualism, is your vital ingredients that make you special. So make those shine. Bring them to life. Don’t dim them and make sure that you are on purpose in your day because everything you do really matters.
We’re all leaders in life.
Until next time you stay healthy, wealthy and wise and remember, small clicks and coordinates create remarkable results for lasting success.