TVC084 Your Ego Is Not Your Amigo
Your Ego Is Not Your Amigo – How to create clear goals, feel cemented in your choices and ask for support when you need it the most. Stepping out of your own way to design a life you love and remove self doubt.
Welcome back to the Vitality Coach Podcast, the first one for 2018, and lucky enough I’m able to be based from the home office this week before I head out on tour again and about to deliver some great workshops to leaders in the coming weeks. Most importantly as everyone is setting their intent and goals for the year ahead – there is a little useful tool to recognise the road blocks that pop up (often subconsciously), how to step aside from those and fly.
I like to call it heart leadership. Getting out of your head and into your real GPS for decision making.
Your Ego Is Not Your Amigo
So, how do you get out of your head and into your heart this year to make really centred, focused, calm, effortless success driven decisions.
I just want to give you a couple of my mojo making tips on:
- how you can get out of your own way
- set really good goals this year
- achieve them seamlessly, week on week for masterful months and a remarkable 2018.
Step 1: Recognising The Voice Inside your heart is overtaking your heart lead decisions.
How To Divorce The Stories And Get the Facts & Stats.
What is it that determines all these stories and the alter egos in our head?
We don’t give ourselves permission to shine when we are constantly in a dialogue of self doubt.
Why bother, why do this, why do this? You should do that, all these big constraining kind of fears and boundaries that are constantly being presented to you, no matter how old you are or where your own life, everybody has them. You never really completely get rid of those stories, but what you can do is start recognising all the different egos that sit inside you, and just give them a little nod of acknowledgment and realise that you don’t have to be defined by those discussions.
It is the most powerful thing when you can untether your soul as Michael Singer says. From knowing that your head and your heart are two different entities. When you start to have a heart leadership driven life, when you start to listen to what your true values, your true inner compass, your GPS, that ultimate vitality road map – things become a lot simpler.
Step 2: Recognise the thought, park it and move on
There’s always going to be challenges, it doesn’t matter where you’re at, whether you’re at university, starting your new business, leading the corporation, just selling yours or looking at legacy right now. Everyone struggles with some element of self doubt at some point, of being awake at times with anxiety, of worrying about uncertainty and not trusting decisions.
We’re going to have history, we’re going to have family history, we’re going to have history at work. We’re all going to have challenges that we have to overcome. We’re going to have to think about finance, health, friends, family – a whole melting pot of elements to juggle as we grow through life. So that’s a given. What isn’t a given is how you deal with it.
It’s absolutely your choice how you deal with the things that come across your path. That’s purely down to your perspective.
When you are faced with a limiting belief or a mental road block that keeps occurring, recognise it, consider where that old belief may come from, park it and move on.
Step 3: Choose Your Filter
A lot of people tell me that I walk around with rose tinted glasses on, and I’m eternally optimistic.
I’d have to argue that’s not really the case. I just choose to find a way through challenges, to learn, grow and keep applying myself. I understand what it’s like to fight to run a business, to understand what type of clients you want to work with. To go through transition periods, to go through relationships where perhaps you’re not yourself and you have to filter all your actions and who you are.
I also understand what it’s like on the flip side, to be back in control, to stand your ground, to hold your space. To understand what truly motivates you from within, and be the true best version of yourself, no matter what avenue you might be sitting in that moment. To be galvanised.
Everyone has their challenges, set back, stories and chapters. Concentrate on your own path while you draw inspiration from others – remember to make conscious and informed decisions, goals and dreams that are relevant to you. I am pretty sure “nobody has it easy”.
Every single person that you think has a great life on social media, or maybe someone that manages you or owns a business, or someone you look up to, has had to go through the school of hard knocks as well. They’ve had to figure out their game plan, they’ve had to divorce the stories, get away from the ego and start making good, conscious decisions on what’s going to be the most beneficial, truthful, wholehearted base way to operate. It’s really, really powerful.
Step 4: Do the Work -You Are Enough
Rome wasn’t built in a day . Old habits need to be replaced by new behaviours. CHOOSE to replace you self doubt with self belief.
It’s no point wishing that your life will change if you’re not prepared to put the work in and do all the elements yourself. So you’ll be in the same position this time next year unless you start changing your perspective.
The last analogy, which I use a lot on my key notes is the Buddhist Monk analogy. When Buddhist monks come out with their qualifications and they’ve finished their studies, and they’ve put everything into practise, they don’t run out of the monastery with a certificate and then go down to the pub to celebrate, and then never practise it again. You know becoming a practised person in this world, becoming the best version of yourself, overcoming self doubt, building up confidence, creating change and having a life that you love means the daily habits have to form. That means getting rid of the stories, identifying your goals, being purposeful with your time. Understanding who it is that you want to hang out with, you know that the people that you are closest to, six degrees of separation it’ll end up becoming. So really chose your friends, your family time and be deliberate in who you’re socialising with as well.
You might want to get the book ‘Untethered Soul’ from Michael Singer – links can be found on one of my earlier blogs.
You absolutely need to know from this point on that no matter what avenue you came from, what upbringing you had, where you started your business, where you got your first job, however it was that your family constellation, that you absolutely are enough.
When you come from that place on a daily basis, which takes practise, you can understand that all your power is within you. That you can have a higher self, you can have calm, integrity, values and respect, and that, that ripple effect will not only go through into your relationships personally but it will also have an outstanding result for you in a commercial and business sense as well.
So the more authentic you are, and the more that you trust yourself and you come back within a better guided energy, the more successful you’ll be with the less effort.
Step 5: Getting Others To Support You
The last part of all of this is how do you get people to support you when you’re going through this change?
Suddenly you wake up and you start communicating about your new vision and you start getting really excited about what you want to achieve, but you find that nobody around you, whether it’s work, family, friends are supporting you.
My biggest advice is don’t expect people to deliver what you haven’t communicated you need. You need to step up and be accountable, you need to ask people to support you and empower your friends and family to be there on that journey with you. Even if it’s as simple as saying “this is really important to me, I’d really appreciate your support, instead of trying to sabotage this. Anything you can do to support me in this area is greatly appreciated”.
Be mindful, be kind and have humility.
It’s okay to want to be driven for something, but what you don’t want to do is a rail road past other people and do it at all costs. So just like being a Buddhist monk, being the best version of yourself takes time. It takes you to divorce the stories and think to the facts and stats. That’s my mantra, think like a CEO, plan like a visionary, act like a Buddha.
That means, what are the information that you’re going to need to achieve your goals?
Where is that coming from, what are your resources, who are your dream team, and what’s the strategy behind it all?
- Plan like a visionary, is what’s happening to you at this point in time really the end of the world, or is it a tiny blip on this landscape of life. Really put things into perspective, being stuck in traffic, standing in a grocery line, your computer not working, technology going off, not having your phone are not end of the world issues. Your coffee doesn’t turn up in the right way, whatever it is, have perspective.
- Is what’s happening to you in business is what’s happening to you at home, a life defining point? Or is it just a small thing? If it’s small just let it go.
- The third thing, always act like a Buddha, no matter what’s going on around you it’s so important to stay centred and calm. I like to use the New York City analogy, imagine that you’re standing in Times Square and everything’s super crazy around you. There’s all these lights and it’s fast moving, and so many things are happening but you’re just there centred and calm, and still, and quiet. You’re holding your space. Nothing can take you off track.
Have a terrific winning week and you stay healthy, wealthy and wise. Thanks for tuning in to Vitality Coach TV and the Vitality Coach Podcast.
PS: If you’ve got questions and comments I’d love to hear from you. A lot of the tools around clarity and goal setting are in Fitpreneur – written to be a handbook to put you back in the drivers seat and be the CEO of your Life As Well as you Business.
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