TVC077 Vulnerable To Accountable
In this episode I share my top tips on why it’s vital to be vulnerable and recognise that every phase has it’s opportunity to learn and evolve in leadership and in life.
Recognising that roadblocks in life and business are part of growth, knowing where you sit in the scheme of chaos to calm and 5 things to consider when you need to ask for advice from others.
The shift from vulnerable to accountable and why it’s important to recognise that feelings of discomfort or vulnerability aren’t necessarily a negative thing.
Replace fear with curiosity and define your NOW, THEN, NEXT and IF with the Vitality Road Map Check Point quadrant.
At the end of the day your true destiny comes from your inner GPS and how you actually decide to walk your path and what actions you take regardless of what happens to you.
Understanding where you sit right now – vulnerable is not a negative feeling
If you’re feeling out of sorts or out of control, confronted with decisions or just that elements in life are not aligning and you’re without support then here’s quick steps to get back in the drivers seat.
The first step: grab a piece of paper and he draw on that piece of paper a quadrant, the Now, the Then, the Next and If.
In that Now box, Write down every single thing that is going on with your life, everything that’s concerning you, the good things, the bad things, the great, the remarkable, the horrible, everything possible.
The fill in the Then. What was happening when things were going well, when you felt great, when you were happy not only at work but also happy in yourself as a person.
Proud of yourself, proud of your behaviours, not trying to manipulate situations but what did great look like?” Write down the feeling and circumstances and situations when things were going really well in the Then box.
Next: The bottom Left. What would you have to do next?
- What would have to happen next?
- What situations would have to change?
- What people would have to do?
- What conversations would have to happen?
- What business would have to happen?
- What time would have to happen?
What do you need to do to make a shift from now that you’ve recognised you’re at this point where things really can no longer be hidden and they no longer …
- Where would you like to be?
- What would you like to feel like, look like, act like, do?
The last part of this is the recognition what would happen if you do not make any changes. It is the If box.
If you do not change;
- if you continue on this path
- if you continue with this mindset
- if you do not reboot your personal hard drive and take responsibility for being in charge of your life and how you are as a human to yourself and to others, what will happen if you do not change?
That is a very sobering moment – what is your trajectory if you stay in this behaviour and you stay in this element?
Vulnerable Means You’re Aware: Be Accountable and Listen to Your Inner GPS
Your ego is not your amigo. As you’re writing down your ideal Next, you notice that lots of ideas and should’s and could’s and society measures pop up into the dialogue, it might fight you for what truly you want.
The first answer when you ask yourself a question is always the right one.
- All the other stuff was just layers on top that we thought we should think or should do or should be or should provide.
- When you’re writing your Next box which is that bottom left-hand quadrant, take some time to think what does your gut really want, not what does your head but what do you truly want.
If anything was possible and fear wasn’t an option and nothing could fail, what would it look like for you?
That may be really confronting because you might end up thinking that you now spend 10 years with the person that you can’t evolve with, or you’ve been not running a business to the way that you’re proud of or you don’t have friends that truly support you. It’s Ok. It’s all an evolution. Step by step and assess honestly.
What would you love it to look like?
If you have carte blanche, a clean slate, and you have the right people around you to navigate you to get there, so don’t feel worried about the how. You have to define the what and the why.
I say it all the time, but you know what FedEx is not going to send you a new life or a new body tomorrow.
This is it, and it might be uncomfortable and you might have to work hard and you might have to evaluate all your relationships around you more so than you ever imagined but you need to release the old feelings around that and come up with a new script, and know that if you don’t make changes, you’ll end up somewhere where you don’t want to be.
The only person that can change that is you. You need to figure out what you want your next steps to look like.
Finding the Right Support
A coach, a consultant, a mentor or a friend is a wonderful asset to help you navigate and extract what’s right for you. Not put their ideals onto you. More as a sounding board and a guide. I like to describe myself as a navigator for my clients, their mojo maker.
I help them identify where they want to be and show them a roadmap to get there but it’s their goals. It’s not my goals.
Five things to find in that ideal coach or mentor:
One, is that person you’re talking to experienced, credible and practising what they preach?
Don’t look at the title but look at their actions across all areas of their life, ask around as well. Get references from previous clients.
Secondly, is there mutual respect? Is there a chemistry, understanding and great communication? You need to have that with anyone that you want to design your purpose driven life with.
You have to be able to share the heavy stuff as well as the good stuff. That means you must feel comfortable talking about the uncomfortable.
It has to be a safe space. Confidential, empathetic, knowledgable, relevant.
Number three is that it’s a commitment to the conversation together.
It’s a commitment to following up. It’s not just a chatter over coffee and then nothing happens. Think like a CEO again – what are you committed to?
If you’re going to sit down with this person whether it’s a friend, a colleague and mentor, a coach, it’s really an investment of time from both of you even if it’s just a casual conversation.
- How can that be followed up and what can happen next?
- You take that time at value and you make sure that you’re getting that value back.
The fourth thing is understanding expectation. Are you hiring this person because they’ll then do a brilliant job for you?
Are they just a friend?
Hearts don’t get broken, expectations do, is that you need to determine what this relationship is.
If it’s just a friend and a little bit of soft advice, then they shouldn’t have an expectation that you necessarily have to follow everything that they say. It could just be a sounding board.
Have clear expectations of what you want from that person, and really set down your goals of each conversation and find and identify people that can fulfil different areas for you.
Number five is if you don’t do the work and you don’t try the advice that you’re given and you don’t apply yourself, then chances are nothing is going to change.
To Wrap Up – Vulnerable To Accountable
Remember, this is going from a vulnerable “oh, no, is this it?” moment to an accountable moment of getting back in that driver seat.
- The first step is recognising that actually you’re in control.
- The second step is detailing what all the factors are of your life at this point. The Now
- The third step is looking at when things used to be great and how did that feel or remembering what harmony and peace and passion and energy and vitality and vibrancy and commercial prowess and all those things felt like. The Then.
- The fourth step, of course, is the Next, like what is next looked like?
- The final is to ensure you consider what will happen if you do not make changes or take responsibility – the IF quadrant.
There is no need to navigate alone. Great leaders all have a dream team. Find someone that you trust, find someone that’s confidential and committed to your honesty and the respect for the conversation.
Find someone where you have a clear roadmap of what to do once you’ve met and how to actually work together or discuss things or get together and follow up on milestones.
Overall, learn to thrive with challenges as they make us who we are today. Be bold, resilient, connected and tenacious.
While someone can light the tunnel for you and show you a path, it’s you who has to walk it.
Yours in Vitality
Thank you so much for tuning in for The Vitality Coach show. Be brave, be kind, be courageous and don’t forget to be healthy, wealthy and wise.
You can follow me on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter on @nfogdenmoore or hop on to LinkedIn.